The Art of Getting What You Want
As a young woman who has faked her confidence to get to where she is, I am actually pretty proud of everything I have achieved.
I’m going to be honest, growing up, my parents were not exactly the supportive type. I don’t think I really remember them saying “Well done! I’m so proud of you”, without the following statement about how I could have done better in another aspect of life. As an 8-year-old this gets to you.
Despite the hardships that brought me in my early years, it didn’t stop me from finding confidence in myself and find my footing in this crazy, wild world. When I was about 3-years-old, my mum entered me to compete in my primary school’s beauty pageant. You see I was this cracker of a kid who had way too much energy and apparently my parents thought this was a good idea for me to release all that enthusiasm. I didn’t really know what I was doing, nor do I really remember much of that moment in time. The only memory I have from that was the talent portion. My mum taught me a magic trick and the audience went nuts for it. Imagine a little 3-year-old performing magic — how could you not ‘awww’ at that. I think from that moment my parents thought I was going to be some sort of child genius because I could talk fluently by the time I was one, and by three, I was performing magic in front of a crowd that I only learnt a week before the show. There’s no doubt my parents loved me, but they definitely became frustrated when I started underperforming and no longer wanted to sit still and follow mum’s ‘magic trick instructions’ to life.
The years flew and suddenly I’m this 15-year-old teenager, angsty and a little bit mad at the world. I needed a job to earn money so I can provide for myself — I don’t know why I was thinking this way at 15 but I just felt like I needed to get out. Like I was not being understood — Well we all know what job hunting with absolutely no experience leads to — zero jobs, zero employers interested. At this point, my dad actually owned a cafe but the idea of him being my boss was the worse thing ever. I felt like I had no choice. I was desperate and he was the only one willing to offer me a job. Finally, I spent my weekends working at his cafe, and while my friends were enjoying their summer off that year, I was stuck behind a counter fake smiling at customers saying I’m having a wonderful time and being there was way better than road-tripping with my mates.
By the time I graduated high school and was getting ready for my first year at university, I had done other little side gigs to help grow my bank account. Nothing major, just your typical babysitting and tutoring alongside working with my dad. It was sometime during the middle of my first semester that my dad decided to separate from his business partner and sell off the cafe which left me with no job for the year. Granted that my parents think the only reason I was ever employed was because of them, they took it upon themselves to make sure any job adverts they saw they would email to me so that I could apply. In fact, I think my mum even drafted me a CV to get me started. They thought of me as this little kid that needed help with everything. I definitely think this may have stunted my confidence a little and led me to believe I was not good enough to get anything done for myself. The only way to get far in life is if I get mummy and daddy’s help. I spent my first year at uni worrying about pleasing my parents and making sure I listen to all their life advice — although if you ask my mum, she would probably say I was stubborn and definitely never listened to what she or dad had to say. She would probably tell you that I was hard-headed and did my own thing anyway.
I spent most of that year finding myself and letting go of whatever good girl image I had of myself. I was no longer the naive high schooler who didn’t know much about the world. I started to neglect my parents' wishes and do things for myself. By the end of that year, I landed a job with a big national company and I did that all by myself. My own hard work and efforts. No help from my parents or from their friends who had connections with someone and can help me get a small job here and there. It was all me. Don’t get me wrong, I think having the right connections is important and it could get you many chances and opportunities. But I think I was feeling a little resentful at this point and did not appreciate that my family didn’t think I could get by without their help. They didn’t even believe me when I told them I got accepted to interview with the managers let alone get hired for the job.
This was definitely the turning point in my late adolescence. I’m getting higher education on my own accord — I dropped out of my conjoint degree of BCom/BA and only continued with my BA, Majoring in Communications and Media — I’m also learning more about myself and where I fit in the world. I’m gaining this newfound confidence and I’m showing the world my true colours. I came to an understanding of who I am outside of how I was raised. I found the confidence that was hiding deep in me and I found the true beauty of being yourself. More people are inclined to carry out a conversation with you if you’re honest and real about who you are. Scrap all the bullshit and learn to embrace the differences between everyone. I had a hard time, in the beginning, figuring out who would be accepting of my honest, ‘straight up’ attitude. I didn’t like sugar-coating things and not everyone is willing to listen to your ‘truth’. I lost a few friends along the way but gained a few more who I know are going to be in my life for a really long time. All this also caused a little hysteria in my family household but I wouldn’t change any of it. I believe that all of the fighting and arguing made our family stronger. Everyone in my family is now more open-minded about many aspects of life. We’ve learnt to have conversations about things that we may not agree with, yet understand each other's perspectives. It makes for more interesting discussions nowadays.
I used everything I learnt in my professional life and my personal life to get me to where I am today. I work for a global brand now. I started with them when I was in my third year at uni. I definitely did not expect my CV to be recognised by such a corporate company. They actually wanted to employ someone full-time but given that I was a full-time university student, they offered me a part-time role instead and they invested their time training me to be the best at my job. I struggled throughout my part-time role as this was something that required someone's full attention, but my managers never felt this. They praised me for being able to juggle the tasks at hand. They congratulated me and offered me a full-time role as soon as I graduated from university. My role at the moment may not be what I see myself doing for the rest of my life but it has given me a head start to where I want to be. It has taught me important lessons about the corporate world.
I am now a young adult, 23, and ready for more. I haven’t fully tackled the idea of what it is exactly I want to do with the rest of my life. But what I do know is that I want to be able to express myself with no boundaries. I want to have interactions with people that are genuine and authentic — none of the fluffy bullshit. If there’s anything I have learnt about myself over the years, it is that I am stubborn, hardworking, persistent, honest, real. But none of this means I am any less understanding. I pride myself on listening to everyone. I want your opinions and beliefs on things that influence you and me. I won’t do as you want if I don't believe it to benefit us. I have people’s best interests in mind.
I’m young, I understand that but I believe my voice can help shape… something! Or someone. To me, the art of getting what you want is all about resilience, confidence, hard work. If you don’t think you have that, stop and look around at what you have accomplished so far. You are surviving! Or you have survived the worse. I spent years in a negative bubble but I got through it and I am getting what I want in life now. My strong personality will not let anyone else walk all over me. I have full control of my future. Owning this and understanding myself on a deeper level has helped with my relationships as well as my career.
So go on and fake it till you make it. In some sense, this can help get you exactly what you want. Now is the time to make your mistakes, have interactions with people that will spark your creativity and passions. Do not be afraid to get lost before you find yourself. You have to be willing to learn the art of getting what YOU want through your own authentic experiences.
